Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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