She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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