How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Blood and glitter go together right?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize