I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
