They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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