when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
