My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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