I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
