I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize