I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
