I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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