i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
