Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
