Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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