I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
