this boner is exhausting
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
