so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
