You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I pour the whiskey from now on
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
