some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
