i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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