I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
