How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
