hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
