May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
