Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
