My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
