apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
