Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
