I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
