I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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