god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
