miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
