Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
