P.S. I can't hear my feet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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