found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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