A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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