Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
