If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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