A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
