There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
