You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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