Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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