Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
