And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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