Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
