marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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