The maid of honor just puked.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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