Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
