The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
