I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
