It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
