..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
