kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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