small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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