Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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