finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
