Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
