she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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