If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
