I'm really into asian looking animals
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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