i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
