I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
