gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
