btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
