is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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