so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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