he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
