You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
