She is in my trunk
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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