ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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