Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
